|
Home::All
The Day I Tried Saying Yes: Inspiration for Control Freak Parents
Author : Karen Alonge
You know how sometimes the most profound conversations with your kids occur in the midst of totally mundane activities? Well, last night I was parking the car at the grocery store, and my 8 year old daughter says to me in a voice full of awe, “Mom, did you know that some kids assume their parents are going to say yes?”
Sensing a bigger context here, I asked a few questions. She had spent some time over the weekend at a new friendÂ’s house. Turns out that she was really and truly amazed that her mom said yes with such regularity that her friend no longer bothered to ask her for permission to do things like eat cookies before dinner or watch cartoons.
Quicker than you could say ‘there’s no place like home’, I felt like the Wicked Witch of the West. Because unlike her new friend’s mom, I say no. A lot.
There was no manipulative intent on my daughterÂ’s part. (By now I can spot that a mile away.) She was just truly astounded by the notion of such a cooperative parent.
Well, let me tell you, THAT sure got me a-thinkinÂ’.
I must confess, my first thought was a feeble hope that it takes a while for her make the next logical mental leap into realizing that if she doesnÂ’t ask first, I canÂ’t say no.
My next thought was a memory of something IÂ’d read in a business article a few months ago. (IÂ’m sorry, but as so often happens I have no clue where it was, so I canÂ’t give you the reference.) The basic concept is this: when your supervisor makes a request of you, donÂ’t say no. Even if the granting the request is totally impossible or outrageous. Instead, take a minute to consider what it would take for you to be able to say yes.
So for example, let's say your supervisor asks if you can complete a major project one month earlier than the agreed upon deadline.
Instead of saying “No way, forget about it, it can’t be done,” you take a minute to think about it.
“Well, in order for that to be accomplished I’d need a team of ten additional staff members and $40,000 over the allotted budget.”
You have shown a good faith attempt to be a team player, you are not killing the project, and the responsibility for saying yes or no to your suggestion bounces back to the boss.
Hmmm . . . I dream of the blissful applications of this novel concept in my home. . .
“Mom, I want this new two hundred dollar Lego set!”
Usual response: “No way.”
New, intriguing response: “It’s a neat one, huh? Well, I wonder how you could save up enough money to buy it?”
We go on to have a mother-son bonding experience as we discuss money-making ventures like mowing lawns, selling old toys at a yard sale, or asking grandma. He feels heard and supported, and eventually gets his Legos. I donÂ’t have to be the Witch or come up with two hundred bucks. HowÂ’s that for a win-win?
Nice daydream, eh? Well, not to worry. Since I like to present only tried and true information in my articles, I put it to the real test today.
SON: Mom, can I have this huge sugar laden piece of artificially colored bubble gum I got from the bus driver? (ok, actually it was just ‘Mom, can I chew this gum?’ It says something about my control freakiness that he evens asks me things like this, doesn’t it? Poor kid.)
THE NEW ME: (very cheerfully) Sure honey!! As long as you brush your teeth for 3 full minutes when you are finished.
SON: Aw, Mom, come on! Three whole minutes!! If I have Trident do I have to brush my teeth?
ME: (sweetly) Nope, because Trident doesnÂ’t have sugar in it.
Being both smart and toothbrush phobic, he quickly added up the score.
He threw the bus driver gum away and grabbed 3 pieces of Trident.
And I never had to say the word NO.
Hmm, those business folks appear to be onto something BIG! Granted, it does take more time. But I think itÂ’s worth it, for two reasons:
First, I donÂ’t want to be remembered as the Mom Who Always Said NO, and without a lobotomy to remove the control freak part of my brain thereÂ’s no chance of me being immortalized as the Mom Who Always Said YES.
Second, I believe this process becomes internalized in our children. It encourages problem-solving and creative thinking, and I bet it wears a nice groove in the bridge-building pathways of a developing brain. Kids could grow up seeing opportunities rather than obstacles . . . challenges rather than limitations . . . partners rather than enemies.
In the words of John Lennon . . . Imagine.
Copyright 2005 Karen Alonge
Article Source: http://www.articledashboard.com
Karen Alonge is an intuitive life coach and parenting mentor with 20 years of experience helping families with all types of challenges. She offers consultations by phone, email, and IM. Clients often notice dramatic changes in their daily experience after only one session. Please visit www.karenalonge.com for more information.
Spam emails More free articles Related articles
|
More related feeds |
the day i tried saying yes: inspiration for control freak parents
first, i don’t want to be remembered as the mom who always said no, and without a lobotomy to remove the control freak part of my brain there’s no chance of me being immortalized as the mom who always said yes. ...Lovefraud Blog » Blog Archive » Freedom from a Socioapath’s ...
Any kind of abuse? Then explain to kids that they can build on their own self esteem … don’t take your selfish parents so seriously. I endured mental abuse in childhood, but it wasn’t my parents … it was control freak peers. ... Melissa Loves: Tea & Talk: Kristy (of Dulcet)
14. 3 small habits/quirks you have that make you specifically you! I’m a massive control freak. I used to let this bother me and tried to fight it. But in the last 5 years or so, I’ve just come to accept it and admit it upfront. ... the day i tried saying yes inspiration for control freak parents
you undergo how sometimes the most intense conversations with your kids become in the interior of totally unremarkable activities? well, terminal period i was parking the automobile at the mart store, and my 8 assemblage older girl says ... the day i tried saying yes: inspiration for control freak parents ...
well, last night i was parking the car at the grocery store, and my 8 year old daughter says to me in a voice full of awe, mom, did you know that some kids assume their parents are going to say yes? Breakfast with Anne « Creative Construction: Life & Art
I love doing creative things with them, although I find it hard not to act as a total control-freak. Letting go and letting them make a mess doesn’t come easily. We do do a range of things together though — from making stained-glass ... 1bruce1: SVT #35: Amy's Pen Pal
Amy's like some sort of control freak. Liz tells Amy to say something to Sam, but just as she goes up to her Lila invites Sam to eat dessert with her, and Sam completely ignores Amy and walks off. She's probably annoyed that Amy's been ... Celebrity gossip juicy celebrity rumors Hollywood gossip blog from ...
This control over us by banks is perpetuated by people like obama and mccain. Therefore, the people that voted for obama and mccain provided them legitimacy. You pushed this corrupt, evil government Perez. You quoting influential people ... the parenting pit – alternative parenting + unschooling
on 26 Aug 2008 at 9:44 pm 14 Homeschool Control Freaks « Just Enough, and Nothing More. […] Arun over at the parenting pit gives good, concrete advice on how to curb our inner control freak, and become even better parents. […] ... Making your parents proud… « Pundit Kitchen: Lol News and Lol ...
Even still I came home in tears and I remember to this day just how horrible that felt. Please tell me exactly how ignoring racism would have stopped the 5 year old who called me that word. Are you seriously saying that this kid learned ...
|
|
|
