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Empty Nest Syndrome
Author : Ruth Rusk
Sylvia walks into Beth's room and sits down on the bed. There,
piled up on the pillows are all the stuffed animals that she had
given her over the years. Fluffy bunny was given to her daughter
on her first Easter. He looks at her now with a sad look in his
eyes, or so it seems to her. She picks him up and hugs him to
her breast, and it somehow makes her feel close to her daughter.
Sylvia looks around the room at the trophies that her daughter
received for her many academic achievements. Beth always was
smart in school, and now she is gone to college, to a new life
without her. The memories come flooding back: the day she
brought Beth home from the hospital, she was so tiny; the first
day of kindergarten, she felt lost then too, but not this bad;
and the first time she went out on a date. It seemed like
yesterday. Sylvia begins to cry.
Sylvia is a fictitious character, but the sadness and emptiness
that can accompany a child leaving home for the first time is
real. It is called the Empty Nest Syndrome, and can be
devastating for a parent. Even though it can affect both
parents, more times than not, it is the mother who suddenly
finds herself with these feelings of being lost and alone. The
affects can vary, depending on different factors. For instance,
when the mother is divorced and living alone, it can be
particularly difficult. When a mother has been a stay at home
mom, she might feel that life is over, that she has no purpose
in living. In severe cases, when depression is severe or last a
long time, counseling may be needed.
What some people don’t realize is that Empty Nest Syndrome
actually begins sometime during the high school years. Our
children become more independent and begin to make important
decisions for themselves, and their future. We begin to miss the
children they once were.
I am reminded of a time when my youngest daughter was in high
school. At the beginning of the school year, I went to Wal-Mart,
and saw a lot of young mothers buying school supplies for their
elementary aged children. I found myself wanting to buy colors
and paste and scissors and one of those little cardboard boxes
they had to have to put it all in. Remember those? One year,
around Valentine’s Day, my youngest daughter wanted me to buy a
box of Valentine’s Day cards, (Winnie the Pooh, I think), to
give to her friends just for fun. She was in high school then
too. I don’t think she ever knew how happy I was to do it! It’s
funny the things we do miss.
When our children are in high school, they begin to form new
friendships, and start going out on weekends. We worry about so
many things during this time, and rightfully so. With drugs and
alcohol abuse at an all time high, it is a frightening time for
parents. While we must be diligent in keeping the lines of
communication open, we must also remember that our children need
some privacy too. As much as we wish they would tell us
everything, the fact is, they will not. We have to respect that.
All we can really do is let them know that we are there for
them, no matter what.
When the time does come that our children marry or graduate from
high school and leave for college, it can be difficult to deal
with the emotions that we feel. We try to hide our sadness from
others because these events in a child’s life are supposed to be
happy occasions. While we are happy for our children, we are
also feeling a deep sense of loss. We have to remember that
these feelings are perfectly normal, and not be afraid to seek
out comfort from friends and family.
Even though this time in a mother's life can be a difficult
time, it can also be a time of refreshing and a time for new
beginnings. It can be a time of reflection, and a time to
rejoice for a job well done.
Did you ever have dreams that you put on the back burner, and
said to yourself, "Maybe when the kids are grown?" Now is the
time to bring those dreams out, brush them off, and move
forward. Maybe you had always thought about going back to school
or starting a business. Whatever it is, know that it is never to
late. Remember, Moses was 80 years old when he led the
Israelites out of Egypt.
Ever wanted to try your hand at painting? Or maybe you always
wanted to start writing. Maybe now is a good time to start a
journal. What are you particularly good at? Turn it into an
extra source of income. There are many things that you can do to
alleviate the feelings of sadness and loneliness.
I am reminded of the verse in Ecclesiastes 3:4, which says, " A
time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time
to dance." Let this be your time to laugh and your time to
dance.
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