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Home::Humor

A roommate story too strange to make up

Author : dan the roommate man
So it's my fifth (and final) year of undrgrad and I am planning on getting my own place; but right before that happens I get an opportunity to rent a house for a total of $750 month, and this includes utilities. Well, no shit, I'm going to go for it. All I have to do is find two roommates. Well I met some dude (we will refer to him as CrazyBones) in a class the semester before. He seemed a little off, but overall we got along and we had been in touch that summer and coincidently he needed a place to stay and he had met someone (we will call him DnD for Drunk and Desperate) who needed a place to stay and this set up worked well at the time.

Less than a week into the semester, CrazyBones decides that he doesn't need to go to class anymore. So this, along with the fact he doesn't have a job, provided ample free time for him to sit around in sweat pants and be an all around scrub. As a few weeks went by I could just tell by some small actions and a glint he had in his eye something was definitely not right in this guy's brain. But I'll spare the small details and go straight to the shit.

So it all starts one night when we threw a party. Everything is going fine until about 11pm when one of my buddies says that CrazyBones just ran half the party out because he yelled at whoever was in earshot that they were all essentially worthless because they weren't paying attention to his crappy attempt a freestyle rapping (mind you he is 6,4 250 or so lbs and a goony looking white guy). I took this with a grain of salt and continued having a good time until about 4am when some dude comes into the basement all bloody and says I need to take CrazyBones to the hospital. oh, shit.....Well apparently the two had gotten in a massive fight in CrazyBones' room and there was blood everywhere and a window was broken and his hand was sliced up pretty bad. So I drive him to the hospital and I wait in the lobby as he is being attended to. And after about an hour he comes out having stole a bunch of the hospitals crap saying they were taking too long and he was going to deal with it himself. He disappeared the next morning and eventually subsided a few days later fixed up. I don't know and don't want to.

Maybe a week or so after that I come downstairs to find all the furniture we had had (which was mostly his) he moved to the basement, where he set up shop and reversed the lock so only he could get in. At this time he is hanging around some pretty shady people (he always did, but these were even worse) going in and out of the house. All he is doing is hanging out in the basement and maybe he would run an errand or two during the week. Mind you he isn't going to class and has no job. And there are empty bottles of prescription pills everywhere.

Then he starts antagonizing people and attempting to pick fights with just about everybody. At one point he threatned to kill myself and the other roommate, DnD, as of now I completely forgot what the premise of the conversation was, but this type of thing happened pretty much every night for a month. Dealing with CrazyBones was like walking on landmines.
With the aid of the Univeristy (who owned the house) we encouraged CrazyBones to move. A few months later I hear he is charged for felony B & E. I don't hear anything about him for three months when he calls and tells me that he was going through rehab and some twelve step programs and is calling to ask my forgiveness. I give him my forgiveness and he tells me that he had been dealing crystal meth out of the basement and he was doing tons of meth AND he, at the time of all this, decided to quit taking medication for bipolar disorder.

BUT, this is only the first part of the story

After CrazyBones moved out, we still had a room to fill and since DnD was too much of a cheap ass to split $750 down the middle he wanted to get another roommate. He suggests his brother, who turns out to be another completely worthless human being. What DnD failed to tell me about his brother at first (he waited until it became an issue two months later) was that his brother had been kicked out their parents, his girlfriend's, and and alcohol rehab center. DnD's brother major problem was that he was drunk and loud and would actually get so drunk he would stumble over his own feet. I put up with this until the night when this dude somehow tipped the entire refrigerator over. I can't even begin to explain what that kitchen looked like the next day. And DnD also found his brother was hiding some small weapons by his bed. Needless to say we kicked him out as well.

The main morals of this story are
1.) If you plan to live by yourself....DO IT!!!!
2.) If someone seems a little crazy chances are they are a lot crazy


About the Author

Since 1989 we have helped over 1 million people find rooms or roommates. Need help, contact us at www.roommateexpress.com

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