|
Home::Humor
A Georgia Superhero!
Author : Ed Williams
One thing I’ve loved since I was a little boy were superheroes. Believe me, I read so many Superman and Batman comic books when I was a kid that it’s not even funny. I loved their varied super powers, and how they constantly got out of scrapes that would have destroyed any normal man. I was so into them that I also became big fans of the Flash, Spiderman, the Fantastic Four, the Green Lantern, and several others. I’m also quite excited that there’s a new Batman movie out, Batman Begins, and its early reviews are outstanding! To say that I’ll see it more than once is an understatement, the Batman character is terrifically fascinating, and I hope this’ll be the start of a whole new string of Batman films.
All that having been said, I’ve started wondering if I could create a superhero. A superhero who’s different, a Southern superhero, and more specifically, a Georgia superhero. A superhero that we Georgians can claim as one of our own. And, if I think really hard about it, if I think of all the unique things that Georgia has to offer, and if I think about the kind of superhero that would excite me enough to go out and buy a comic book, one potential superhero fits the bill. Readers of this column, y’all are about to be the first people ever to hear about our newest superhero, yes, our first ever Georgia superhero - ladies and gentlemen, let me proudly introduce you to....
Red Clay Man!
Yes, that’s right, Red Clay Man! Faster than a man who’s just eaten a large helping of aged jalapenos! More powerful than a Okefenokee gator in heat! Able to leap tall fire ant mounds in a single bound!
Isn‘t he the most? And don’t laugh, Red Clay Man is endowed with powers far different than that of the average superhero. All Red Clay Man has to do to get ready for some crime fighting is to go out into rural Georgia and fill up his Crackerjack Back Pack with handfuls of red clay. Armed with one of our most precious natural substances, he can go out and fight crime like no one‘s business! Just think of it - a criminal holds up a bank in Metter and decides to drive out in the country to count the loot. He pulls over on some little back road somewhere and starts counting. Suddenly, from out of nowhere, a big glob of red clay hits him smack between the eyes! He’s blinded! And, if he happens to have the presence of mind to try and run away, well, two globs of wet red clay splash down on the ground right in front of him, causing him to slip and fall. At that point, Red Clay Man slaps his kudzu cuffs on the evildoer and renders justice to him, Georgia style!
Okay, there may be a couple of minor flaws in Red Clay Man, but hey, every superhero has his or her weaknesses. I guess he could only fight crime out in the rural parts of Georgia because he’d have to keep his supply of red clay continually replenished, but hey, rural Georgia has crime too, right? And I suppose he’d need a way to get around our state in order to fight crime, so what better vehicle for him to ride around in and terrify evildoers with than the Maypop Mobile? And, since most crime fighters need a sidekick, a partner, someone to help get him out of those tight superhero type scrapes that all the great crime fighters get into, I guess I’ll need to create him one. Folks, I have the perfect one in mind, I’ll team Red Clay Man up with our newest superhero sidekick, the Boiled Peanut! Put those two together, and you have one heckuva crime fighting team, two superheroes that’ll put the fear of our previous state flag into any evil doer that challenges them!
Red Clay Man and the Boiled Peanut, our two newest superheroes and Georgia ones to boot! Hey, if we can host the Olympics in Atlanta, and if we can elect a President from here, well, we can have our own superheroes, too! And, it’s in our economic best interests if Red Clay Man catches on - just think about it. Batman is out there selling tons of t-shirts, toys, and more, just think of the red clay samples we could ship out of here on account of our newest superhero! Why, the proceeds from these sales might be so great that they could even help get the City of Macon out of hock!
About the Author
Ed’s latest book, “Rough As A Cob,“ can be ordered by calling River City Publishing toll-free at: 877-408-7078. He’s also a popular after dinner speaker, and his column runs in a number of Southeastern publications. You can contact him via email at: ed3@ed-williams.com, or through his web site address at: www.ed-williams.com. Spam emails More free articles Related articles
|
More related feeds |
Battle of the Criminal Law Lecturers
Speaking of agents, I want to be a secret agent/super hero but Mitchell says no. Excuse me Mitchell, don’t be the impediment towards my superhero goal - I will be awesome. Speaking of which, we are going to make a film. I will be in it. ...(The Republic of) Georgia on My Mind
Georgia’s president, Mikheil Saakashvili, delivered a lecture at my workplace when he came to Washington a few years ago. Sadly, the only thing I remember about his appearance was that I got to work within a few feet of a Secret Service ... I'm Okay
We don't know if we'll be able to go back to Georgia or if we will be coming back home far sooner than we'd expected. If we're evacuated, I'm just not ready to go back. What's there for me? Part of why I joined the Peace Corps was ... Still in the 21st Century
LA Times, August 16, 2008: President Bush delivered yet one more tough warning to Russia today over the crisis in Georgia: “Bullying and intimidation are not acceptable ways to conduct foreign policy in the 21st century.” ... In the 21st century, nations don’t invade other nations
“In the 21st century, nations don’t invade other nations.” - John McCain on Russia’s invasion of Georgia. Two minor pieces of trivia… 1. You voted to invade Iraq and Afghanistan in 2003. 2. 2003 is a year in the 21st century. ... Facing the Inevitable
Despite the many problems and difficulties I encountered in Georgia, in the short time I was there I discovered a lot to love about this small place of proud, hospitable people. It is very difficult to leave before my service could even ... Undies on the Outside. (from Thursday, August 7th 2008)
When I do, I may share them with you. Until then, I shall continue to fight imaginary crime as an imaginary superhero. Because that is my new life’s calling. Over and out! Georgia, premature cat lady by day, imaginary superhero by night! Webcomic Issue #3– The American Pasttime: Slandering Georgia
FIRST COMIC PREVIOUS COMIC NEXT COMIC (coming out on July 4) A Georgia Superhero!
All that having been said, I’ve started wondering if I could create a superhero. A superhero who’s different, a Southern superhero, and more specifically, a Georgia superhero. A superhero that we Georgians can claim as one of our own. ... Taste of Georgia
A church in Tbilisi. View from the Gori castle door. Me atop the Gori castle. The Gori castle...and I hiked up that in heels! Joe (another volunteer) and I at the Gori castle. Me in the Gori castle doorway. Tezeri, Georgia. Tezeri, Georgia.
|
|
|
