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Beyond the Words, a Child's Voice
Author : Patricia Gatto
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--------------------------------------- Title: Beyond the Words,
a Child's Voice
Author: Patricia Gatto
Copyright 2004. All Rights Reserved.
Category: Parenting/Children's Issues/Empowerment
Word Count (including Resource Box): 875
--------------------------------------- Beyond the Words, a
Child's Voice Patricia Gatto 2004 All Rights Reserved. Joyful
Productions Voices have a way of falling into a pattern, not
unlike the sound of constant rain. At first, the rain is obvious
as it dramatically announces its arrival, and for a brief
moment, you acknowledge the intrusion. But slowly, the rhythmic
sounds fade into the background, becoming nothing more than a
distant drone.
We are fortunate to have the ability to block out sounds like
the pouring rain; otherwise, it would be impossible for us to
concentrate. But what happens when the rain is actually the
voice of a child, and you are so focused on your own thoughts
that you forget to hear?
Even the most dedicated parent or caregiver can fail to hear the
understated nuances of a child's plea. It's impossible to play
detective and uncover the meaning behind every word and every
gesture. Sometimes a whine is simply a whine. But if your busy
schedule has you constantly preoccupied, you may be
unintentionally shutting your child out. And if you're not there
for your child, who will be?
Emotional and spiritual wellbeing are just as important as
physical health. Even at a young age, you can help teach your
child a simple technique that provides you with a means to hear
the voice beyond the words. It's a little trick I learned from
my Mom, and all you need is a piece of paper and a pencil.
I grew up in a large family. With five children, my Mom was
concerned that she might miss a cue, a subtle hint that would
indicate when one of us was in trouble or needed to talk, so she
came up with a plan when we were very young.
Mom gathered us around the kitchen table and took out a piece of
paper and a pencil and she proceed to explained her concept at
the most basic level.
"Sometimes Mommy is busy, but I am never, ever too busy for my
children. I promise that I will always make time for you, but I
need you to let me know if you are having a problem."
Then she drew a picture and showed it to us. "If something is
bothering you, draw a picture of a sad face and give it to me.
Mommy will never ignore it. This is our secret code and I will
be there to help you."
We were a demanding bunch, and I'm sure it wasn't easy for my
Mom. Sometimes that note would arrive right in the middle of her
making dinner, or while she was on the phone or when she finally
sat down to watch TV. But she would always take that child with
the sad-faced picture aside. Many times, she would have to coax
the problem out of us by asking a series of questions, but we
always felt better afterward.
As we got older, this little plan kept the doors of
communication wide open. In those difficult, embarrassing
moments of childhood, Mom was always true to her word. Whenever
she received a note, everything would stop and the writer would
receive her private and undivided attention.
Interesting though, were the far-reaching benefits of this
little plan. You see, by giving us this additional means to be
heard, we were taught that our concerns, problems and opinions
were valid and important. We learned how to express our feelings
and we knew the luxury of having someone there to listen. But we
also became responsible individuals and learned valuable lessons
in honesty and accountability. Our Mom showed us how to keep a
promise. And as a family, we faced our problems together and
head on.
Although the idea was simple, it was also powerful. This very
wise, sensitive, nurturing woman empowered her young children
with the right to be heard and the gift of confidence. Today I
use this concept in my own family and in my work as well.
As advocates for children's rights, my husband and I speak about
the consequences of bullying. The best defense against a bully
is to tell an adult, but we are well aware that this is a
difficult task for some children. Even when a child is otherwise
vocal, discussing harassment at the hands of a peer can be
painful, embarrassing, or scary. We take great care to explain
that unless a child makes their concerns known, adults can't
help. We explain that sometimes adults don't pay attention, but
this doesn't mean they don't care. We encourage children not to
give up and tell them to reach out to an adult by writing a note
or drawing a picture.
Someday, if a child hands you a note, we hope that even if you
weren't raised with a secret family code for "please listen to
me," you will stop what you are doing and focus on the voice of
the child before you.
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