|
Home::Coaching
Are You Addicted to Anger?
Author : Margaret Paul, Ph. D.
Michael was raised in a home where anger was used to control. His parents used their anger to attempt to control each other as well as their children. Sometimes the anger erupted into violence and Michael and his siblings would get physically hurt. Michael never knew when one of his parents would suddenly become enraged, so the threat was always there.
Michael was the oldest of four children and was often put in charge of taking care of his siblings. He often took out on his siblings his fear and rage at being abused by his parents. While some part of Michael didnÂ’t want to be like his parents, this was all he knew.
As an adult, Michael struggles with his frequent anger at his wife and children. His wife threatened to leave him if he didnÂ’t get some help, which is what led him to consult with me.
“Michael, anger is often used to cover up another, more painful feeling. What do you think you are covering up with your anger?” I asked.
“I don’t know. I just get so frustrated and then out comes the anger.”
“What did you feel as a child, besides scared, when your parents were angry and violent with you?”
“I guess I felt pretty much alone.”
“You must have felt very alone and uncared for and also helpless over what was happening.”
“Yes, I felt so helpless! I hated feeling so alone and helpless. It was so scary. I couldn’t wait to get bigger so I wouldn’t feel so helpless.”
“What triggers that helpless feeling now?”
“Humm…I guess it’s when my wife and kids don’t do what I want them to do or what I think they should do.”
“So rather than feel and accept your helplessness over them, which is the reality but is a difficult feeling to feel, you avoid feeling that old helplessness by trying to control them with your anger, just as your parents did. Is that right?”
“I guess so. I guess I try to control them rather than feel helpless. But why should I feel helpless? It’s an awful feeling.
“Michael, when you were a child, you were helpless over your parents brutality, and you were also helpless over yourself in many ways. You couldn’t just leave and go live with someone else. You couldn’t walk away without further punishment. However, today, while you are still helpless over others, you are not helpless over yourself. You can walk away from a situation that doesn’t feel good, or you can speak up for yourself. You can also explore difficulties with your family. You didn’t have any of these options as a child. But unless you accept your helplessness over others, you will try to control them, and anger is the way you’ve learned to do it. Anger is your automatic controlling, addictive response to protect against feeling that old helplessness. You will continue to be angry until you accept your helplessness over others - over what they choose to do and who they choose to be.”
Helplessness over others is a very hard feeling to accept. For many people, it feels like a life or death feeling, because as infants we were completely helpless and if no one came we would die. Some of us cried and cried and no one came and we felt helpless over living or dying. While today helplessness over others is not usually a life or death experience, the feeling can trigger our infant terror. Most people will do anything to avoid the feeling of helplessness, even though we are no longer helpless over ourselves. Yet until we accept our helplessness over others, we will try to control them, and anger is a major way many people have learned to attempt to control.
It took Michael time to learn how to take care of himself - how to embrace and accept his helpless feelings rather than ignore them or cover them up with anger. As he learned to take loving care of himself and his own feelings and needs, he became more accepting of otherÂ’s feelings and needs. As a result of accepting himself and others, and of learning to feel and manage his painful feelings, his need to control others gradually diminished.
In the course of working with me, Michael learned to access a personal source of spiritual guidance to help him not feel so alone and to know how to take loving care of himself. Michael found that when he was connected with his spiritual guidance, he was much less likely to act out in anger. He found he could manage his difficult feelings of aloneness and helplessness far more easily when he felt the love and support of Spirit.
Article Source: http://www.articledashboard.com
About The Author
Margaret Paul, Ph.D. is the best-selling author and co-author of eight books, including "Do I Have To Give Up Me To Be Loved By You?" She is the co-creator of the powerful Inner Bonding healing process. Learn Inner Bonding now!
Visit her web site for a FREE Inner Bonding course: www.innerbonding.com or mailto:margaret@innerbonding.com. Phone sessions available.
Spam emails More free articles Related articles
|
More related feeds |
How You Life Your Life You are honest and direct. You tell it like ...
Might as well face it, you're very addicted to love. But you're not really getting the deep love you seek. Short lived, dramatic relationships are more your style. Let go of needing someone, and you may find someone you actually want. ...Anger As Adversary
Anger makes you feel more at ease, especially in new or uncertain situations. o Relief of depression. You tend to need a morning jolt of anger. The addicted brain compulsively justifies the anger it craves, ignoring all contrary ... Digg it UP: Are You Addicted to Anger at www.diggitup.net
would get physically hurt. Michael never knew when one of his parents would suddenly become enraged so the threat was always there. In the course of working with me Michael learned to access a personal source of spiritual guidance to ... Mirror, Mirror on the Wall –- These Business Mistakes, I’ve Made ...
You may be addicted to your work and forgoing all of life’s pleasures. Get off that deadend track now. Your business will prosper as you allow yourself to be more of a whole person. Remember this adage: No one ever says on their ... Banqueting in the Grave
and the anger, bitterness and heartache begin to settle in once again? What does he do with that unceasing anger and sorrow? He numbs it with alcohol. And you are going to tell him to "cut it out"? C'mon guys, sometimes when the pain of ... Anger Issues Mr Miel, Who has done you wrong?!
This anger that I am harnessing is like a drug. It keeps getting bigger and bigger, just like smoking or someone who is addicted to drugs. How I wish now I can actually have someone who can detox away my anger, just like Florida Opiate ... SCRIPTURE READING: Genesis 22:15-18 15-18 The angel of GOD spoke ...
How can I turn you loose, Israel? How can I leave you to be ruined like Admah, devastated like luckless Zeboim? I can't bear to even think such thoughts. My insides churn in protest. And so I'm not going to act on my anger. ... Life's Biggest Problems & Their Solutions
Accurate Self-Assessment : Not everyone will love you, but many people will if they meet you, get to know you, and spend time working/playing along side you. Resentment : Holding anger and refusing to move beyond real or imagined ... ONE is NOT the loneliest number
I’m choosing to follow this model because anyone who knows me KNOWS I’ve been in stages 5&6 (anger & depression) for the past year (thanks guys! you’re the best 10 Things I Love: Television
When I was in my early twenties, I was so addicted to television that I actually used to highlight all of the programs I wanted to watch in the TV Guide so I wouldn’t miss them. I thought this was a perfectly logical thing to do, ...
|
|
|
