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Home::Advice
Disclosure
Author : C. V. Harris
Is there something wrong with being FEMALE, ATTRACTIVE, and
SINGLE in today's society? As of late, I am beginning to feel as
though being "appealing to the eye", or most recently referred
to as "EYE CANDY" (to me, it's an unfortunate that this is how I
am frequently referred to lately), is quickly becoming my
downfall. The unmitigated nerve of the men today to view a
single woman who just happens to be engaging AND unattached as
having something WRONG with her because she is not in a
relationship is preposterous! Is it HER fault that there are
more single available men in the world who happen to be let's
just say, "not worthy of?" Let's face it, the pickings are slim!
Castigate me for wanting to "wait" until I meet a man who has
his head AND his emotions in the right position at the same
time. In my opinion, this is where juxtaposition is of the
utmost importance.
This is the way I'm receiving what prospective beaus are telling
me: If you're single, hardworking, ambitious and unattractive,
then it's okay. But if you have all of the aforementioned
qualities and just happen to be attractive, then it's an issue.
Something MUST be wrong with the WOMAN who is single AND
attractive. Tell me. What sense does THAT make? Attractive women
have the right to be choosy don't they? Must they settle for the
sake of "saving face", or adhering to a fallacy that men and
women of ignorance have incorrectly created?
My friend John said to me a few weeks ago, "You're single and
there is something wrong with that picture. But the
responsibility lies more so on the shoulders of men than on the
attractive single woman. He continued, "A woman like you should
NEVER be single". There are men out here but there aren't enough
good ones to choose from," He concluded. Well you know what?
John was sooo right. Let me drop some knowledge on you regarding
some of the remarks and the caliber of man that I meet on the
regular. Maybe afterwards you'll see why I remain single.
A few months ago, I met a guy a few years younger than I whom
outwardly gave the appearance of being someone that I thought I
wanted to pursue me. After spending a few weeks with him I
realized that he was trying to live up to MY expectation of the
type of man that I wanted as opposed to being the type of man he
KNEW he already was. He had a sex life that I couldn't see
myself being into (although I am game to try anything ONCE), he
didn't have his own apartment (even though he was well into his
thirties), he hadn't had a steady job in a few months and he
hadn't taken care of certain financial responsibilities that I
knew an accountable man would have. When I told him that I
wanted to end the relationship, his response was, "I see why
you're single". I am not in the business to ego stroke so I took
that remark with a grain, a tiny grain, a teeny weenie
microscopic grain, of salt and moved on. Let me say this, I have
been known to remain in relationships a little longer then I
should so when I finally "step off", there is no reason for me
to backtrack or second-guess my action. More importantly, if a
man tells me that he is NOT interested, then I am quickly
searching for my hat so that I can GET LOST! Shortly thereafter,
I met a man, closer to my age, who again outwardly gave the
appearance of being someone that I wanted a relationship with
and quickly bumrushed me by telling me that he wanted to marry
me before even knowing WHO I was, how I lived, or anything
concrete about me prior to making a serious decision like that.
Further, and you can call me wrong, shallow, off the chain or
however you want to describe me, I cannot for the life of me
entertain a relationship with a man, ANY man who can't
understand simple words when I relate them to him. If you read
something that I've written, have to ask me to define
every-other-word as I speak to you, can barely read a sentence
without stopping to s-l-o-w-l-y pronounce each word that has
more then three letters, then YOU ARE CLEARLY NOT THE MAN FOR
ME!!!!!!!!!!
This summer I met a man (on a blind date no less) who told me
that he wanted a woman who takes care of her body, has her head
on right (although he never defined HIS definition of having her
head on right), a woman who has ambition and wants something out
of life (he never clarified this one either). At first site,
this was the date from hell because THIS guy had a belly that
looked like Santa Claus', his mouth looked so raggedy he
obviously didn't even know what a dentist was, and he smelled
like sleep! How could he tell me what he wants in a woman and
not expect me to request that my guy equal his own demand?
Finally, I met a clever, gorgeously attractive, funny man. I
thoroughly enjoyed being in his company. That is, when I was
given the infrequent opportunity to barely SEE him. Each time we
made plans for a date, he stood me up (this happened three times
during various intervals until I realized I was being an idiot
and stepped off). But then he'll call me at a later date, and
tell me he fell asleep or some other nonsense. Once I hadn't
heard from him all weekend, but I'm supposed to believe that
this guy is interested AND unattached? Plaaeeze! Let me
continue. So he asks me continuously, "Why are you by yourself?"
He even told me that when a woman is single and attractive that
there must be something wrong with her. Can you believe this
madness?
When I told him I am alone because I am not willing to settle he
then replies with, "Yeah, I know what you're gonna do. You're
gonna get me to fall in love with you then you're going to treat
me badly and then dump me". He continued with, "I am afraid of
you but you're perfect for me." Later, and by his own admission,
he told me that the problem (justifying why we weren't an item
yet), rested entirely upon HIS shoulders. Okay, who has the
baggage and dysfunction here?
Unless I am to have a relationship with myself what am I
supposed to do BUT remain single? YOU, reading this, tell me
what am I supposed to do at this point? Other than determine
that these men are not for me and continually move on I am at a
loss. I tell ya, the men that I meet and the responses that I
get from them makes me want to raise my hands to the heavens and
just HOLLA!! Yet, I am blamed for the shortcomings of the very
men that encourage me to remain footloose and fancy-free. A
relative said to me, "You should be able to have one really good
relationship on this earth before you die." I agree with him
wholeheartedly, but given the quality of men I meet when I DO
meet them, being single doesn't seem that bad.
This is my disclosure: I brave to "tell" on the shameful men out
there who fail to have their game tight when they meet a woman
distinguishable from the rest. We exist, we yearn, we cry, we
get lonely and we don't want to be single, but we are NOT
willing to compromise for less than what we KNOW we deserve in a
mate. We want a solid relationship just like anyone else. But we
refuse to settle our moralistic values for the likes of a man
who cannot handle or appreciate the strong and the uniquely
small number of women who decidedly save themselves for a man,
as rare as he may be, that is meritorious of our love, devotion
and R-E-S-P-E-C-T. These women are few and far between but once
a man has had the pleasure of an encounter with her, he will
forever relish her essence and charm. These women are not easily
forgotten!
Let me ever so brazenly "tell" the testosterone of America to
"MAN UP" and take a stand for your shortcomings. It 's time to
stop blaming women because we have been forced to live our lives
"on the solo tip" for years, due to negative or dysfunctional
circumstances about YOU that YOU won't address, won't admit or
refuse to see. By not being WHOLE men you oust the female's
choice for a remote possibility of having a MAN'S MAN in her
life.
I challenge you so called MEN to "TAKE BACK" your rank and stop
compelling women to be more of a man as a WOMAN, than you'll
EVER be as a MAN! Now run disclose that!
(c) 2005 by C. V. Harris. All rights reserved.
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